When we are sexually assaulted, we are often filled with shame. Ashamed to speak about it, ashamed to be judged, and let’s face it, the shame of our body also gets involved. One can even feel guilty by saying things like, “I should not have said this or that”, “my sweater may have been a little too tight, which may have lit it”, “I maybe it was a little too much makeup”. In fact it’s none of that, you have nothing to do with it, you do not have to be ashamed or feel guilty.
In the aggressor’s head, it is very clear, he thinks of his own pleasure, without worrying about the marks he will leave you and the trauma you will have afterwards. The only person who must be ashamed and guilty of the crime he has just committed is the aggressor, not you! To achieve his ends, the abuser uses his manipulation and can even do it in many ways, including that of great kindness. An aggressor is a manipulator without embarrassment and unscrupulousness. Remember this: it is not you who are abnormal, it is the situation you have experienced that is.
Now you have to think about healing and moving forward. We must learn not to feel guilty about the aggression, to rebuild our self-esteem, to learn not to be ashamed, and of course to learn how to love each other again. I invite you to talk to someone you trust. This could alleviate some of your burden. CALACS can also help you greatly in rebuilding your whole being.